The one thing that has remained constant through this recovery has been my cooking. I don't know why, I sometimes don't know how, but I am able to cook every night for my husband. And these aren't easy dishes--the recipes come from the New York Times and they can get very complex. I love spending time in the kitchen and it's the one room in my house that I clean daily, without fail. (The rest of the house is another story.)
Cooking excites and calms me at the same time. I love the colors of the vegetables, the smell of the herbs, the texture of the meats and cheeses. I love working away at a dish and coming up with a finished product that my husband adores. I've noticed that it takes me a little more time on each dish since I was put on the Risperdol--it slows me down. I'm frustrated with that. I was used to breezing my way through recipes.
The cooking lends structure to my day, which I definitely need in this recovery period. I know I will be in the kitchen most days from 4-6:30 to 7. I take time in the morning to select my recipe, then go to the market to get provisions. After walking the dogs, before I know it, it's time to cook. My time to create.
The past few days I've been sick with a terrible cold so I haven't been able to cook. I miss it. I feel "off." Interestingly, my anxiety has been ramping through the roof. I could write a whole post about anxiety but I'm worried that will make me more anxious. Let's just say when I stopped smoking pot and drinking alcohol, I no longer had these things to numb an extreme anxiety disorder. I am taking the Neurontin prescribed by Dr. Levy and he has increased the dose once. He may have to increase it again. Or put me on something else.
Dear readers, my anxiety has been horrible for months. I know we were talking about cooking, and now I'm on anxiety. Sigh. Let's hope I recover from this cold soon so I can get back to my beloved kitchen and my cooking calm.
