I'm feeling down and I hate that. It's summer and it's hot and the heat affects my Depakote and I get tired and slow. I feel my extra weight caused by the Risperdol and it all just spirals downward and I want to stop my meds--or at least "tinker" with them. And I know from experience this is the worst thing I could do.
Fortunately I saw Dr. Levy today and we talked everything over. I was honest with him and told him I hate the meds, and I'm so down that I want an anti-depressant. He explained that anti-depressants can cause mania in me, and we don't want that. We talked about my use of Simply Sleep to sleep, when I probably don't even need it because I take the majority of my meds at night, and they are strong and can put me to sleep. He wants me to stop taking it, and said my mood may improve and I'll have more energy during the day.
I don't know if I'm addicted to Simply Sleep--I just know I like to sleep, and when I'm depressed I "hide" in sleep. But I want to get better and Dr. Levy is the best psychiatrist in town, and if he says stop this pill I'm going to comply. I'm tired of fighting...I just need to follow doctors orders. But I'm kinda scared to let go of my sleeping aid. I've been dependent on it for a long, long time. It's going to be hard, but I so want my mood to improve. Dr. Levy said to start cutting one pill in half and take that for one week, then go a week with no Simply Sleep and see him to assess where we are.
Maybe I will get stronger and be able to do the housework without such a struggle. I am having great problems bathing every day. My clothes are clean, so that's good, but it's hard doing laundry. I am able to keep up with the cooking, but it feels like a chore. Not something I love to do. It's summertime and I am depressed.
