I Can See Clearly Now!!

Dear readers I am so, so happy to report that Dr. Levy has reduced my Risperdal to 3 mg and now some of the drug haze is really, really lifting! Hooray! Finally! I have patiently waited two years for this...two years! I can now converse in conversation with others; little things like typing with two hands instead of one; clean-up of the kitchen is much easier and I am cooking more methodically; I am finding it easier to write. I vacuumed the downstairs this morning and I am doing laundry too--a little bit of multi-tasking that hereforto was impossible.

Much has happened since my last post in early April. Sadly, I was not able to go to my high school reunion. I had horrible anxiety before the event and it got too overwhelming. I tried taking an extra dose of my Gabapentin but in the end it was just too much and I was scared I would faint from the stress. Looking back at it, I'm glad I made the decision not to go. My mental well-being has to come first. I am truly realizing what a formidable foe this anxiety is...and that I must take extra precautions to make sure I stay stable.

I also went to my family doctor in May to discuss very painful hip pain I was having. X-rays were taken and I have been diagnosed with mild arthritis. Great. I was given an anti-inflammatory to take for a month and I got on Google to look for more information. It said exercise was needed--now, my water exercise classes are specifically designed for those with arthritis but they are not high-intensity. I could barely muster enough energy to do minimal walking for two years. But I am deeply concerned at how sedentary I have become, and as this drug haze slowly wears off, maybe it's time to think about walking through the neighborhood more. I have to do more!

Finally, with this recent reduction to 3 mg Risperdal, I am thinking about the goal I have always had of getting down to 2 mg and holding there. I'm excited, but also at the same time deeply, deeply afraid of going psychotic again and ending up in the hospital. I still feel limitations in my abilities and I want to be functioning at the highest level I can safely have. I guess at this juncture I just have to trust Dr. Levy and all his wisdom at treating those with bipolar disorder. I just have to put treatment in his hands and continue to do what he says. Right now I have a two month script for 3 mg, and we meet monthly. We'll see where we go.

Happily, my writing ability is coming back! It is so much easier to put sentences together and the words flow. I think I will benefit from practicing here. In so many ways I feel like someone must feel who is recovering from a horrible car accident with head trauma. It takes so much time to recover...and so much work. I look forward to continued progress.