Writing Prompt: Frozen Pipes Meet My Husband

 Prompt: Write about the first conversation you had of the day. 

Frozen Pipes Meet My Husband

Well, our fair city got hit this week with an arctic blast from the polar vortex. Temperatures dipped below zero Tuesday night, making for a frigid morning on Wednesday when I awoke. With my husband still slumbering, I made my way downstairs to take meds and make a pot of coffee. I went to use the downstairs bathroom, only to discover the toilet would not flush. I knew immediately the pipe to the toilet was frozen. I also knew this was a problem my husband would need to fix.

So what’s been happening to me lately is when problems like this arise, I dissolve into fits of worry and fear. First, I feel out of control and can’t stand it, and second, I don’t have any patience or trust that the problem will be resolved. I’ve been overwhelmed by anxiety for awhile, and you would think the frozen pipes would really set me off. But guess what? It didn’t! 

There I sat, patiently sipping my coffee and waiting for my husband to arise. I remained calm, feeling somewhat confident in my husband’s abilities to get the toilet functioning again. Soon enough, I heard him shuffling around upstairs, and then he made his way down the stairs to me. “Toilet won’t flush,” I said. “Mmm,” he grunted.

He made his way to the bathroom, jiggled the toilet handle, then shuffled to the coffee maker. “Need coffee,” he mumbled. I left him to his devices. He was silent for a bit, and we both sat sipping our coffees. I knew not to nag him, or dump all my worries onto his shoulders. Frankly I was proud of myself for staying so calm.

Finally he asked, “Do you have a hair dryer?” I smiled. “I don’t use it anymore,” I replied, “But there’s an old hairdryer upstairs under the bathroom sink. Pretty sure it still works.” My husband went up to retrieve it, and I went to a bedroom to do a Zoom with some friends. Soon the sound of a hairdryer running on high filled the house. 

About 20 minutes later, my phone lit up with a text from my husband. “Toilet is running again!” it said. “Pipes unfrozen!” I let out a holler of joy, having to then explain to my Zoom friends that we had a working toilet again, and I was absolutely delighted. The ole hairdryer worked like a charm. 

“You’re amazing,” I texted back to my husband. “Thanks for being my white knight.” My husband fixes broken toilets. No doubt about it, that automatically makes him a keeper.

Managing Difficult Mornings

 Well hello there, I report that overall I am feeling much better with the increase of my Synthroid from 100 mcg to 137 mcg/day. The only thing I am tangling with right now is some difficulty in the morning with feeling a little off when I take my morning meds after waiting an hour after my Synthroid dose. I feel kinda nauseous, kinda wiggy but it passes. I also on occasion have to deal with some intense anxiety (worry and fear) in the morning, but it resolves by early afternoon. This does not happen every morning, so I’m lucky there.

To manage things, I’ve turned to a meditation app I heard about called Insight Timer. I can listen to people speaking soothingly about how to calm worry and anxiety through breathwork and guided imagery. I wouldn’t say meditation comes easy to me; my mind wanders. I also struggle cognitively and it can be hard remembering what I’m instructed to do. But I’m giving this a go to see if it helps.

I also checked some books out from the library on managing anxiety with CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). This is what I’m working with Matt on, and I thought I’d supplement things. I don’t know if self-help books are what I need or can actually use, given my cognitive impairment. But I’m willing to try anything and everything to bring this anxiety under control. 

As far as the physical problems I’m having from the morning meds, I’m going to give this a few more days, I have an appointment with Dr. Larrimer in four days and I’ll ask him what to do. I’m continuing to hold off from my morning exercise classes because I sprained my ankle, so I don’t need to worry about something happening in a class. I’m hopeful everything will just resolve itself and I’ll be back to feeling good and healthy. 

So I guess we are in a wait and see mode. I need to allow my body to get used to this new med regimen. It’s after lunch now and I really feel better. Maybe I need to be eating a good breakfast at 9:00 am when I take my second round of pills? Who knows. Just relax and see how these next few days go. 

Writing Prompt: The Butterfly Effect (Small Step, Big Gain)

 Prompt: Write about the butterfly effect in your sobriety.

Small Step, Big Gain

Initially, this is a kinda difficult prompt for me to write. Let’s see. Think about a small change you made that had a significant impact on some other, future aspect of your life. I guess I’m kinda reminded about what I discussed last week: doing the simple thing of getting a pill tray and suddenly I’m almost 100% compliant with my bipolar medication and I’ve stayed sane and out of the hospital. 

I can think of bigger changes I’ve made that have been very beneficial to my overall wellbeing. For example, in September I located a warm water pool in Grandview where I now go on Tuesdays and Thursdays for exercise class. I can’t tell you how much better I feel afterwards! My doctors have been telling me for years to get active but I’ve been resisting. Now, some of this is because my medication makes me very fatigued, but there’s also been some stubbornness on my part to get moving. Finally, I got myself signed up for the water class and I’m so glad I did!

Also, this week I signed up for a fitness class at our local rec center that meets Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I’m looking forward to getting out of the house in the morning, away from my chair where I’m known to sit and worry about catastrophic future events. I’m really hoping that this uptick in my physical activity will translate into a significant reduction in my anxiety. 

Lastly, I’m thinking about how I’ve let go, for the most part, trying to control my husband and his decisions. What’s happened is he has really surprised me with some of the things he has done: getting our older car serviced so we now have two dependable cars, instead of one; he organized a small family outing to the Franklin Park Conservatory to see their holiday light display and paid for everyone’s tickets; he went to the dentist to get his teeth cleaned without my nagging; and he purchased quarter season tickets to the Columbus Blue Jackets games, with some of our seats in the really nice Club section which he knows I like.

I’m amazed at my husband’s actions when I leave him alone, when I let go of the nagging and just let him be. He’s one of the good guys, he’s generous and attentive and I’m blessed to have him as a partner. Good things happen when you let go trying to control someone. Took me a long time to figure this out. But better late than never. That much is true.

Thyroid Off; Med Adjustment

 So hello there friends, I think I now have some explanation for why I have been feeling low-level depressed, no motivation, trouble with cooking, and unable to lose weight: my TSH thyroid level was 3.4 and it’s supposed to be closer to 1.0! Dr. Levy ordered a blood draw for me last month to check my Depakote levels and asked for a TSH reading, and caught the problem.

Now I already have an appointment to see my endocrinologist John Larrimer on January 28, but I spoke to him on the phone to relay this finding and he upped my Synthroid dose from 100 mcg/day to 125 mcg/day. I take Synthroid to manage my Graves Disease. Dr. Larrimer said when he last tested my TSH in July it was 0.7. Not sure why it has risen so much? Was it quitting that 12 piece a day nicotine gum habit? Or was it lowering the Risperdal from 4 mg to 3.75 mg/day? Or is it just unknown? 

Whatever the reason, I’m now waking up at 8 every morning to take my Synthroid, then waiting an hour to take the rest of my morning meds and have breakfast. I found out from Dr. Larrimer that I have been taking my Synthroid wrong for over two decades; what I had been doing was taking it with all my pills then eating breakfast. No, that’s incorrect! So now I’m on the right path.

It’s been three days of this new dosing regimen and already I’m feeling better. I’ve even dropped 2 lbs. despite eating a lot of fattening fettuccine Alfredo last night. I want to get moving, get out of my chair and go somewhere! I feel like I’m gaining some energy and it’s a miracle come true! Trying hard not to get overly excited, but I’m feeling good and hopeful. 

Next week I start the morning fitness class at the rec center. This was therapist Matt’s suggestion, but I’m the one who put it into action by signing up for the class. I’m hopeful I’ll have some morning motivation and energy to stick with this class through the coming months. I’ve got this overall goal of wanting to lose 30 lbs. and I need to do this through diet and exercise. Currently I’m on a 1650-calorie day diet, and I’m planning on getting exercise 5 days a week. I’m going to try and stick with this as long as I can. 

So this is my update for now. Signing off for now. Ciao!

Writing Prompt: We Shall Not Regret The Past

Prompt: What’s one thing you wish you knew 10 years ago? Something you might have done differently?

We Shall Not Regret The Past

Ah, ten years ago I was on a path to destruction, and I didn’t realize it. I wasn’t taking my bipolar medication correctly or consistently; I didn’t know to rely on a pill tray to organize things and that really screwed me up. I just had all these pill bottles tossed in a drawer, and I would rely on my husband to remind me to take them. Problem was he was smoking a lot of pot like I was, so some reminders got forgotten. How many? Who knows.

At the time I was on 5 or 6 different medications and it was really important that they were taken correctly. But I hated them, hated the side effects, so I would tinker on my own with dosages, always to disastrous results. Then throw in the abuse of alcohol and weed and it was a real shit show. Back to the psych ward I would go, in and out. 

Today I use a pill tray and daily alarms on my phone to keep everything straight with my meds. I’m committed to taking everything as prescribed and that, along with complete sobriety has for the most part kept me stable and out of the hospital. I did have a relatively mild episode in 2022 requiring a brief hospital stay for med adjustment, but that’s the only incident in the past 8 years. 

As I sit here reflecting back a decade ago, I’m suddenly filled with sadness. Maybe that’s because 2015 would soon usher in 2016-2017, the worst years of my life where I bottomed out and was separated from my husband for six months. Could something as simple as a pill tray prevented all this heartache? Maybe, maybe not. All I know is I must remember the AA words, “We shall not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.”