Writing Prompt: Sweet Little Lies

 Prompt: Think about little white lies and the effects and consequences from them that we never consider when telling them in the moment. Write about your experiences and encourage other group participants. 

Sweet Little Lies

There are some lyrics from an old Fleetwood Mac song that go, “Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies.” I’m reminded of that when I think about the little white lies I often tell my husband, even though I’ve sworn to myself that I needed to clean up my act and be truthful in everything I do. I guess I was a liar throughout my drinking and using years, and that’s continued into my sobriety. A glaring character defect that I’m reluctant to turn over to God even though that might do me a world of good.

A recent lie that I was perpetuating involved my sneaky purchases of boxes of nicotine gum behind my husband’s back while he was trying to ration me to 8 pieces of gum a day. I would take those 8 pieces of gum he would give me then supplement it with a stash of extra pieces from the box I had purchased. A box I kept hidden in a bag buried underneath some coats hanging up in a closet. The behavior reminded me of my using days when I’d hide bottles of wine underneath the sink, and drink more than everyone else. No attempt at moderation or rationing would ever work.

I finally got free from the insanity of the hidden nicotine gum boxes four months ago, when my husband and I gave up nicotine gum for good. It took complete abstinence from nicotine for me to stop this particular lie, something I’m painfully aware of. 

I decided today to tell my husband about the hidden gum boxes. He wasn’t angry at me at all, but what concerns me is he basically accepts that I tell these little white lies. He doesn’t think I will change. This doesn’t sit well with me, I don’t want to be seen as a liar, I want to be known for my attempts at honesty and turning over a new leaf by trying to live by a 12-step program. But I guess when you’ve been telling little lies to your spouse for decades, and they are aware of it, building back trust is not going to happen overnight.

Another lie I’m telling is that I’m brushing my teeth every night. My husband wants us to practice good dental hygiene so we don’t have expensive dental bills. So he reminds me every night when I go up to bed to brush my teeth. For some reason, maybe laziness, I don’t want to brush my teeth every night. But I run my toothbrush under the faucet in case my husband checks it. He asks me if I’m brushing and I lie and say yes. 

I feel powerless over this lying. Is it something all addicts do? Maybe people lie whether they are addicts or not. I want to change. God grant me the courage to change the things I can. It may be time to fess up to my husband about the teeth brushing. I think if I just go about dismantling one sweet little lie at a time, I’ll be making good progress. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly…things will always materialize if we work for it.