Ok, so for the third time, I tried tweaking my anxiety medication (Gabapentin) down on my own because I didn’t like the sedation it was causing. It was a disaster, I started calling mom in the morning, gripped in panic and fear and she just couldn’t help me. Why I don’t learn my lesson I don’t know, so here we are, I’ve added the 800 mg. Gabapentin back to my daily dose and yes, I’m now feeling blessed relief from anxiety in the morning.
I need to just stop trying to take matters into my own hands. I need to stop fighting the meds, just accept the side effects. If I’m sedate, I’m sedate, if all I can muster is a two block walk then so be it. I signed up to use a warm water pool two days a week but if I’m terrified of having a fainting incident then maybe it’s not the right place for me right now.
The fact is I had a very upsetting fainting incident a month ago which included coming to and vomiting and going to the ER in the squad. I’ve since quit nicotine gum, even though my doctors can’t pinpoint the gum as a cause for my faint. Without knowing a definitive cause, I’m frightened I’ll faint again and that’s causing me to limit trips from home. I want to isolate, and I know that’s terrible for me.
I’m going through nicotine withdrawal which is screwing up my sleep, plus I’m feeling physically off, just don’t feel well. Not nauseous per se but no appetite, kinda run down, just feel poorly. I’m assuming all this will pass? I don’t know. I talk to Dr. Levy tomorrow, I see Dr. Schumacher next week and I can ask them. I have expectations of feeling much better than this, and it’s not like I want to go back to the nicotine gum but damn, I’m tired of feeling like shit.
My 50s have been horrible, don’t mean to put all this negativity out here but it’s how I feel right now. I’ll feel better after I eat brunch and settle into the afternoon. It’s Labor Day today, a holiday, time to relax and be free from worry and angst. I hope I feel better soon. Deep breath, Melissa. Stay in today and let whatever you do today be enough.
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