Hello there reader(s), I have been away for a long time, trying to get through this breast cancer treatment and remain stable as far as my bipolar goes. I turned 60 (!) along the way, signifying that I’ve been managing my bipolar with psychotic features for about 25 years now. I’m definitely an old timer in that regard, now dedicated to taking my bipolar meds religiously, as prescribed; going to bed at a reasonable hour every night; and living a life of much reduced stress (except when things like cancer pop up and you are thrust into the stressful thick of things).
I wanted to give an update of what is going on with my cancer treatment, and my bipolar. With the treatment, I’m done with radiation, I had 25 sessions, targeting both sides of my chest. Gratefully I didn’t need chemo. Last week I started up the final phase of treatment, taking an estrogen blocker medication that I will be on for 5-10 years. Fingers crossed, so far I haven’t had negative side effects including depression, joint pain and hot flashes. Actually, I’ve noticed that the crippling morning anxiety I’d been having since I entered menopause 10 years ago has seemed to have vanished? I’m not going to celebrate yet, but my God, what a relief!
Now, fatigue is something radiation causes, and post radiation fatigue is a big issue as well. Basically I’ve been worn out for two months, and I’ve been told I’ll still be recovering for months to come. Add this to the fatigue my bipolar meds (Depakote and Risperdal) cause, plus the sedation my Gabapentin causes (I take this for my Generalized Anxiety Disorder), and I’m left in my chair for most of the day and night. This is so, so frustrating! I’m learning I must be patient as I wait to recover, but gently push myself to do things like walking in the morning to try and move more.
Another thing I’m contending with is some additional cognitive impairment, on top of the difficulty my Risperdal causes. I’ve been told this is common for people going through cancer treatment, and things will improve over time, as I continue healing. I must really try hard not to panic and worry that I am permanently compromised. But it’s unsettling when your mental faculties are impacted. I’m talking about memory, ability to do things like follow my recipes and cook (it takes much longer than usual), finding words when writing, ability to write, etc. I think this is caused by”Chemo Brain” or something like that.
On my bipolar, I have continued to remain stable throughout my entire cancer journey since last October 2025. Heck, knock on wood I’ve been stable going all the way back to 2022, and before that blip, 2017. By this I mean my mood has remained steady, no mania (and psychosis) and no depression. This comes from two things: strict med compliance (and monthly sessions with psychiatrist) and complete sobriety (no alcohol and no recreational drugs like marijuana).
The downside is I have continued to struggle with medication side effects. This includes fatigue, sedation, weight gain, hair thinning, lots of sleeping, heat intolerance and cognitive impairment. I’ve bitched about this for over two decades; I’m now at the point of saying, Hey, I’m 60. Let’s lean into acceptance and stop fighting things. I cannot risk stopping the meds and courting mania because my manias have psychosis attached. I have delusions, spend money, and wander into dangerous places. I can start drinking again, and I’m a recovering alcoholic. Just too much at stake, so I keep taking the meds. Side effects are just something I have to manage.
Ok so this is about all I can pen today, I’m getting tired from the effort. This is what I’m talking about, writing is difficult. I’ll keep practicing though. Thanks for reading. See you again soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment