Yay, so I’m back to taking my anxiety medication as prescribed, and I’ve been successfully going to bed by 10:30 every night, waking up between 8-9 am. And guess what, I’ve even pried myself out of the recliner before lunch and gotten dressed and gone for a walk! I promised Dr. Levy and Matt that I would commit to moving in the morning, and here I am keeping true to my word. I’m so, so proud of myself!
Next up is to spend my early afternoons straightening up the house and yes, doing some cleaning too. I’m remembering it’s baby steps, but I’ve got Matt encouraging me, and mom and Michael too. I’m taking responsibility for breaking this inertia that has plagued me for 7 years. I’m not sure what is responsible for this change, maybe it’s new therapist Matt and the ART sessions, maybe my med cocktail is finally correct? Who knows, maybe it’s me saying enough is enough, kinda like I hit a rock bottom and couldn’t take the pain anymore.
I just keep thinking back to that conversation with friend Alison months ago when she asked me, “What do you do all day?” And I was at a loss for words, feeling a great sense of shame, knowing that I wasn’t really doing much of anything. Sure, my meds suck, and hinder me a great deal. But I am a fighter, a survivor, and I’m going to push through this sedentary shit and just do something!
So I’ve done my morning walk, next up is brunch and then my writing group at 1:00. Then a walk again with Lily, and for dinner I’m making Chicken Shwarma with yogurt sauce. The sun is out today, it’s spring but still a little cool outside. In two days is the Solar Eclipse, we are going to niece Alexa’s house to see it. I’m stable, sane, I’m grateful for that.
That’s all for today. One foot in front of the other. I got this!
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