End of Summer Update

 Well hello there, dear readers, I am very close to making it through another dry, oppressive hot summer and I couldn’t be happier for the coming of Fall. Just need to survive this current hot streak at the end of August, and I’ll do so by staying inside in the AC. My husband loves this hot weather but I can’t stand it. As always, I blame my meds for my discomfort but maybe menopause is playing a part too.

Speaking of meds, I’m miserable again over my current med cocktail. Just sick and tired of feeling lethargic and fatigued, and being overweight, and now not wanting to cook anything. Everything is a hassle to do. To try and improve matters, I cut my Gabapentin dose by 800 mg., now I’m down to 3,200 mg/day and I’d like to go lower at some point. My anxiety isn’t so acute, and actually my husband and I quit the nicotine gum two weeks ago; you would think maybe my anxiety would increase from this, but no, the opposite is true. 

I’m happy with the Depakote being at 625 mg., but it’s the Risperdal that is the bane of my existence. I do not want to be at this dosage of 4 mg/day, I want to be lower. But Dr. Levy won’t budge, he’s keeping me at this dose. It’s just not fair, this wretched drug robs me of energy and motivation and makes talking hard, laughing near impossible, and I’m fat. I hate it so much. You could tell me to just stop taking it but no, I’ve been there before and all that happens is the mania comes roaring back along with the psychosis and all the trouble and trauma that brings.

So I’m stuck here in this medicated hell, sober because I’m an alcoholic and addict, trapped in an ugly brown recliner. I don’t like it when my posts dissolve into bitching about my life and the meds, it’s so depressing to read. I need to dig deep again and think about things I’m grateful for, switch gears from the negative to the positive. I must never forget that summertime is notoriously difficult for me, I get frustrated and down, but things improve dramatically in the cooler temps of Fall and Winter. So don’t fret, Melissa. Better times are coming.

This be the verse for today, gonna try to lean into Easy Does It I think. I’ll soon make my morning phone call to mom for support and reassurance. Then I have my writing group this afternoon, I’ve been struggling with my writing lately, words aren’t flowing like they usually do. Oh well. Just another day in the life. Until next time. See ya.