Writing Prompt: Still Cravin’ After All These Years

Prompt: When you encounter cravings, what do you do? Write about things you have successfully done to combat cravings. Share your experience, strength and hope.

Still Cravin’ After All These Years

So the topic is cravings, be it cravings for alcohol, weed, or some other mood altering substance. And what we do to keep cravings at bay. Well, I initially thought that once the obsession to drink left me, it would follow that I would no longer crave the demon rum or the dangerous-for-me weed. Not the case. I may no longer be thinking about booze every waking minute, but every so often—particularly during times when my anxiety is acute—I start to crave something to numb my discomfort, something to make it go away.

I’ve been at this sobriety game for a very long time. And the thing about my cravings is they often come when I least expect them. Sometimes they can be downright sneaky. For example, my therapist caught me in one last month when I said I wanted Ativan (an addictive benzodiazepine) for my anxiety. “Wait a minute Melissa,” he said. “Didn’t you tell me you used to stockpile Ativan to trade for weed back in the day? You’re not wanting Ativan, you’re craving marijuana to numb your anxiety. Call this what it is.”

Ouch, that hurts. Still Cravin’ after all these years!

So what do I do to combat substance cravings when they crop up? Well, first of all I know that my cravings have a beginning, a middle, and fortunately a definite end. So often it’s just a case of riding the craving out, being patient as it moves through me. Now, that’s often easier said than done. But I know the longer I stay sober, the more quickly the cravings pass. 

When dealing with a craving, I find it helps to tell on myself to my husband, sponsor Shawn, or someone from the AA fellowship. Talking about what I’m feeling, and what I want to numb, with someone is really helpful for dismantling the craving. If I stay silent and in my own head, bad things can happen. Opening up about things with someone else is the definite way to go.

Often my cravings involve fantasizing about how good I’d feel if I had a drink or a hit of weed. But when was I ever able to stop at just one? Never! I need to follow that first drink through all the way to total annihilation in a black out. Then crushing depression and a hangover. That’s what became of me and will be waiting for me if I drink again. Do I want to give up this healthy, sober life for that? No! So stay away from that first drink.

As I said earlier, most cravings I get today tend to be interwoven with acute anxiety that sometimes bothers me. But I’ve had good success working with my psychiatrist who occasionally tweaks my non-addictive anti-anxiety medication, which has brought me great relief. When my anxiety is under control, I find I am very happy with my sober life. In addition to meds, I’m getting Cognitive Behavioral Therapy tools from my therapist to manage my anxiety attacks if they break through. Subsequently, cravings haven’t plagued me much as of late.

But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get rid of cravings completely. And maybe that’s how things are meant to be. The important thing to remember is not to act on the craving, no matter how strong it is. And to lean into gratitude for all the good things a sober life brings you. Stay close to the fellowship. And never forget cravings pass!