Well, tomorrow is my 59th birthday, making this a time of reflection on how this decade went, and taking stock of where I am now. I can say with certainty that I am in a much better place today, compared to where I was 9 years ago, in psychosis, hospitalized three times in one year, separated from my husband, just awful. I’m filled with gratitude that I am sane and sober today.
At first glance, I’d say my 50s were filled with crushing anxiety and fear. Yet that’s not completely accurate, I’ve had days where I felt confident, days where I took initiative to take on new things. I guess the decade was a mixed bag of good days and bad days, aren’t they all?
Importantly, this was a decade of sobriety, and time spent saving and rejuvenating my marriage. Both my husband and I are sober now, me doing AA, him doing sobriety on his own. I’ve got the AA fellowship now supporting me as I navigate abstinence and med compliance. I’m on solid ground, finally, and off the merry-go-round of repeated hospitalizations. Thank God.
I guess I really don’t know where all the time has gone, years have flown by. How did I get to 59? In some ways I don’t feel old; in other ways I’m really feeling my age. Time waits for no man, so are the days of our lives. Here we are, on the cusp of 60. I guess I will call myself “seasoned.” That has a nice ring to it.
Feeling good today. Got some beautiful strip steaks for Michael to grill tomorrow night, and he got numerous pastry sweet treats from the French bakery for us to enjoy over the weekend. Happy birthday to me, and all that jazz. I’m still standing. What an accomplishment!
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