I guess I share with you what I remember happened. In October of 2016, I was hospitalized at The Ohio State University. I was in psychotic mania. I had been taking the med Vraylar--at the time approved for schizophrenics but not yet bipolars--and something went terribly wrong. Yes, I had been smoking pot and that probably didn't help matters.
Once in OSU's clutches, they put me on the anti-psychotic Risperdol. I was in the hospital for a month. When the psychosis didn't ease up, they talked my husband into approving ECT shock treatment. I was to have 12-15 sessions but I only had 4; and I damn near died on the table coming out of anesthesia the last treatment session. I woke up early (I think) and no one was watching me. I just remember being paralyzed and choking on the tube in my throat. I couldn't breathe...then somebody finally pulled it out and that's all I can remember.
I was released in time for the Presidential election of 2016 between Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton. My mom took me to my voting location, but I was too disoriented and tired to navigate the crowd. I ended up not voting--a first--and I'm still a little upset about that. I blame OSU. I think they traumatized me and should be held accountable.
I would get psychotic manic again in January 2017 and went back to the mental ward, this time Dublin Springs hospital, a pricey place, arguably the best mental health hospital in Columbus. I stayed for two weeks, went home and in February came under the care of my current talk therapist, Richard Fetter. He is 70, kind and intelligent and I don't know what I'd do without him.
My third hospitalization was in April 2017, again at Dublin Springs, and I only stayed a week. I was psychotic still, and the psychosis did not completely break until I came under the care of my new psychiatrist, Dr. Alan Levy, who is ranked as one of the top psychiatrists in Columbus. I began seeing Dr. Levy in June 2017. He got me straightened out on the Risperdol and Depakote and treats my anxiety disorder with Neurontin.
While I was manic, I separated from my husband and moved in with my mom. I lived with mom from February-early July 2017. I thought I wanted to get divorced from my husband and wouldn't talk to him on the phone. The whole thing is very upsetting to think about...why is it when I get manic I want to leave the love of my life? I'm sitting with him now in the TV room. He's on his iPad playing chess and I'm here writing for the first time in two years. Tears are welling up in my eyes...I'm emotional. What would I do without husband Michael, Fetter, Levy and mom?
It's February 1, 2018 and I'm still in recovery mode from the mental wreckage of 2016-2017. I sleep a lot (11-12 hours a night) but I'm so pleased that I am able to cook! Michael gets a gourmet meal almost every night. I keep the kitchen clean and tidy (but I struggle with the rest of the housework). Our house is cluttered and I don't want people over...I am private in some ways. I long for the day when I am stronger and I get the house cleaned up and I can invite a friend over...I don't know when that will be though.
So I'm 51 now and "retired" I guess. I'll explore this more later. I'm glad I was able to write today. Dr. Levy says I won't have to go to the hospital again. Do I believe him? How many hospitalizations have I had? Nine? Ten? Too many. I'm going to slowly keep writing. I'm slow...still recovering...okay that's all for now.
Once in OSU's clutches, they put me on the anti-psychotic Risperdol. I was in the hospital for a month. When the psychosis didn't ease up, they talked my husband into approving ECT shock treatment. I was to have 12-15 sessions but I only had 4; and I damn near died on the table coming out of anesthesia the last treatment session. I woke up early (I think) and no one was watching me. I just remember being paralyzed and choking on the tube in my throat. I couldn't breathe...then somebody finally pulled it out and that's all I can remember.
I was released in time for the Presidential election of 2016 between Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton. My mom took me to my voting location, but I was too disoriented and tired to navigate the crowd. I ended up not voting--a first--and I'm still a little upset about that. I blame OSU. I think they traumatized me and should be held accountable.
I would get psychotic manic again in January 2017 and went back to the mental ward, this time Dublin Springs hospital, a pricey place, arguably the best mental health hospital in Columbus. I stayed for two weeks, went home and in February came under the care of my current talk therapist, Richard Fetter. He is 70, kind and intelligent and I don't know what I'd do without him.
My third hospitalization was in April 2017, again at Dublin Springs, and I only stayed a week. I was psychotic still, and the psychosis did not completely break until I came under the care of my new psychiatrist, Dr. Alan Levy, who is ranked as one of the top psychiatrists in Columbus. I began seeing Dr. Levy in June 2017. He got me straightened out on the Risperdol and Depakote and treats my anxiety disorder with Neurontin.
While I was manic, I separated from my husband and moved in with my mom. I lived with mom from February-early July 2017. I thought I wanted to get divorced from my husband and wouldn't talk to him on the phone. The whole thing is very upsetting to think about...why is it when I get manic I want to leave the love of my life? I'm sitting with him now in the TV room. He's on his iPad playing chess and I'm here writing for the first time in two years. Tears are welling up in my eyes...I'm emotional. What would I do without husband Michael, Fetter, Levy and mom?
It's February 1, 2018 and I'm still in recovery mode from the mental wreckage of 2016-2017. I sleep a lot (11-12 hours a night) but I'm so pleased that I am able to cook! Michael gets a gourmet meal almost every night. I keep the kitchen clean and tidy (but I struggle with the rest of the housework). Our house is cluttered and I don't want people over...I am private in some ways. I long for the day when I am stronger and I get the house cleaned up and I can invite a friend over...I don't know when that will be though.
So I'm 51 now and "retired" I guess. I'll explore this more later. I'm glad I was able to write today. Dr. Levy says I won't have to go to the hospital again. Do I believe him? How many hospitalizations have I had? Nine? Ten? Too many. I'm going to slowly keep writing. I'm slow...still recovering...okay that's all for now.
No comments:
Post a Comment