Checking In

Well I awoke early on this Sunday, came downstairs and took my meds and brewed my coffee, and now I’m bundled up in blankets sipping Joe, trying hard not to get overly anxious with catastrophic thinking. I wonder if I’ll ever get a break from this anxiety, probably not, yet I do find when I’m in the kitchen cooking the angst seems to slip away so I guess that’s good.

Not much to report right now, save I’m stable and that’s such a relief compared to last year at this time, when I was released from the hospital and getting amped up. I know now regardless of whether I am on a high dose of antipsychotic it will take months for the episode to fully break, and I guess that scares me all the more, though this last go around wasn’t too terrible, I didn’t wander too much. I was frightened of the highways, and I seemed to just simply entertain myself with loud music and wandering through the grocery store. Oh, let’s not dwell on the past psychosis, it just gets me upset and ashamed.

Thanksgiving is coming up this week, mom, Michael and I are going to Lindey’s for their feast. Wednesday night Michael and I are going to a hockey game, even though the team is terrible (again) this year. And Friday I’m back at Lindey’s again for lunch with friend Stephanie, it’s our annual tradition, so I’m excited about all this activity coming up. Just got off the phone with mom, she helped me process some of the anxiety I’ve been feeling this morning and I feel better.

Writing is kinda hard for me lately, I definitely don’t feel the creative juices coursing through my veins. It’s why my number of entries here has dropped off, but I guess that doesn’t matter seeing the only person reading this nonsense is myself. Perhaps I kinda miss last winter when I had a flurry of writing going on and I even managed to get some graphics onto these pages to make things interesting. Oh well, the tide turns, I guess that’s the nature of bipolar disorder. 

So onward I go, onto a pancake brunch and then Sicilian Beef Ragout for dinner. I know how to deliver the goods when required. My life isn’t too terribly bad and for that, I’m thankful. Bring on Thanksgiving 2023, it should be a good one this year. Cheers to stability.