Some Progress On Anxiety Treatment

 So here we are in the beginning of March and I’ve spent a month working with new therapist Matt on addressing my anxiety disorder and how crippling it’s been. He’s utilizing Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) eye movement techniques to help me process highly traumatic/anxious moments in my life, and I must say I’m feeling some real relief. ART is a way to reprogram painful memories and I’m hoping bring about ripple effects to calm my ever-present anxious fear I have. 

Doing ART plus taking the Gabapentin appears to be really helping me so far. I feel like I have a toe-hold again, and that I don’t have to spend hours upon hours trapped in my recliner ruminating about catastrophic future scenarios. I’m waiting for Spring to come so I can start walking around the neighborhood; maybe finally find a pool and start doing water exercise? The latter might be out of reach, but I can certainly walk around here. 

Dr. Levy is always telling me to exercise more, but alas, I’ve grown quite sedentary in my 50s. I know movement can help cut through anxiety and improve mood, but as you know I’ve got to push through my highly sedating med cocktail and I just don’t seem to have the energy to do so. At least though I’m getting out every afternoon to walk Lily, so I’m not a complete slug. 

Michael and his brother continue to shoulder the caretaking responsibilities for his mother and I’m not as stressed about that as I was. Whatever will happen will happen, we will somehow resolve our car issues, I’m leaning on the AA philosophy of letting go of trying to control outcomes. I still get a tightening in my stomach whenever Michael’s phone rings but I find if I do some deep breathing it helps.

 This anxiety disorder of mine will not be cured over night, there probably isn’t a cure, but at least I’m working on it. I’m grateful I found Matt, and really, really proud of myself for getting up the nerve to leave Fetter after 7 years to try something new. I really think I’ll be able to see tangible progress on things, at least I’m hopeful about it. 

Best of all, my bipolar is under complete control, and let’s not forget how wonderful that is! My moods are completely stable, no lows or manic highs, I’m sleeping extremely well. Next month will mark one year since those last vestiges of manic psychosis had a grip on me, so I can say I’m pretty much recovered from that last episode/incident. I’m relieved.

All that’s left is to get this anxiety under control, and I’m realizing I will always have some anxiety to contend with, that is inevitable. I just don’t want to feel it so acutely, so here’s hoping my treatment of it will have some success. OK, that’s all for now. Welcome March 2024.