Marya and Me

Well, I have finished Marya Hornbacher's "Madness: A Bipolar Life" and I must say it has left me highly motivated to work on my own writing. I found a way to contact her by locating her website on Google and I fired off a kind email asking what meds she was on that enabled her to still read and write. I'm sure she gets tons of email and cannot respond to all of it and I'll never hear back, but boy I wish I did.

Like me, Marya has bipolar type 1 and has been hospitalized numerous times. She is also an alcoholic in recovery. In her book, published in 2007, it said she was on Lamictal and Geodon (among other meds) as the mainstays, plus the anti-depressant Wellbutrin. I was once on the anti-depressant Lexapro when I was under the care of Dr. Zafirides--Dr. Levy has taken me off all anti-depressants, because they lead me into mania.

I doubt Marya is still on the same med-mix today, but she might be. I would just love to talk to her about how she able to read and write while on these meds we must take. I also want to know if she has been able to bring her psychotic manias under control. Was she ever put on Depakote? Risperdol? To be honest, I'm so envious that she can write. I struggle so much. But maybe she is just forcing herself to write something, anything down every day; chiseling away at the block caused by the medicine.

I know I couldn't compose these sentences when I was on the 6 mg Risperdol. It was not until we finally lowered it to 4 mg that things would ease up ever so slightly, so I could come here and begin writing, bit by bit. It's so maddeningly slow. But I do find listening to the Audiobooks so, so helpful. It stimulates my mind, makes me want to write. Which makes me wonder:

Why do I want to write so much? Is this part of the bipolar disorder? The creative passion that so many bipolars have? I think so. I was such an idiot in college, majoring in Government and taking all those classes in Economics. I should have been studying English and taking Creative Writing courses.      I hold a Masters in Public Management. Why? Yes, I did go back and start on a Masters in Journalism with a dream of doing Public Affairs reporting before I had a breakdown and had to pull out. 

I made it to a newspaper and started working as a journalist before the bipolar exploded out. No, it's my humble opinion that bipolars don't belong in the stressful field of the media. Danger, Will Robinson, Danger! Hell, the way the media is going today, no sane person should consider that a viable work option. But I'm rambling here...I'm just pleased that I'm able to do some writing today.

So, I don't know if Mayra will write back but I hope she will. I figured I had nothing to lose by sending an email. Me, I'll keep practicing my writing. One entry at a time.