OK, so I’m thinking I need to implement some changes to my routine, particularly in the morning, to start cutting through this worry that I want so much to bring under control. I’m not going to reach for more Gabapentin, because that leaves me sedate and further trapped in my recliner. My plan is to get dressed in the morning and go for a walk in the neighborhood; building up to joining with my husband in his morning walk and run with Lily in the park. Yesterday clearly showed me that if I can get more movement, my anxiety disappears completely. I’ve been mostly sedate ever since the pandemic in March 2020–that’s over 3 years! Something needs to change, and I have to have the courage to change the things I can.
I dream of the time when I’m feeling relaxed, good and optimistic again. I know the key is to break this rumination cycle I’ve been trapped in for so long. I’m the fourth side of the square of bipolar stability—Me, meds, therapy, and family and friends support. I’ve been dealing with this rodeo for so damn long, I know what to do. To add in some fun, I scheduled a massage and hopefully a hair cut next week. I know what I need to feel good. OK, I’m gonna check my weight and take a shower before lunch and the movie. Today should be fun. Catch ya later. Onward!
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