An Early Valentine’s Day

 So Michael and I are celebrating Valentine’s Day a day early, and going out for dinner at our favorite restaurant located in our neighborhood. I’m excited to get dressed up, and enjoy an excellent meal served in a place with romantic ambiance. I’m setting my worries aside for today, tonight is for lovers celebrating each other. Michael and I have over 23 years together, that’s a lot of Valentine’s Days we have experienced. Normally I cook a special meal for us, something like Steak Diane, but this year I wanted a meal out. I think I’ll have lamb chops tonight.

My bipolar is completely under control, if anything I’m slightly on the flat side but that’s ok. The issue still of concern, my anxiety disorder, seems to be better controlled now, though this morning I was a little uncomfortable. Now it’s past lunchtime and the Gabapentin has fully kicked in so I’m doing much better. I did some cleaning of the bathrooms and I think I’m going to do some reading before taking Lily on her afternoon walk. Then I’ll shower and get dressed for dinner, probably braiding Michael’s long hair if he wants me to.

I was thinking about how dependent I am on my husband, and I’m hoping to gain more strength and ability to manage some things myself. For instance, I really have no clue how the TV remote works, I’m mystified by a lot of things on my iPhone, I always need assistance navigating the internet, just stuff like that. For years and years when I was on that really high dose of Depakote (2,500 mg) I was seriously, seriously cognitively impaired. Don’t get me started, I’ll start raging against all those psychiatrists of the past who kept me drugged out. I don’t want to go down that rabbit hole.

Let’s switch gears. What’s going on positively today?

I have a new therapist, Matt, who I see tomorrow. I’m meeting Shawn on Thursday to continue my work on the AA Steps. I have my Creative Writing Group on Saturday afternoon. I have a FaceTime with Dr. Levy next Tuesday and my report for him is good. The anxiety is now under much better control. After that I have a massage, then I’m going to mom’s for a dinner out and a sleepover. Should be fun. Let’s face it, my life is manageable, there are moments of peace and joy. I’m sober, I’m med compliant. My overall health is very good. Not such a bad life.

So that’s it for today, off I go to new experiences. Happy Valentine’s Day!