Adjustments

 Ok, I’ve been way too sedate for awhile now, today was particularly challenging, I’m having incredible difficulty writing and even the cooking now is in jeopardy. Started today dialing back the Gabapentin by 400 mg, just to see if I have a slight improvement in my situation. I didn’t text Dr. Levy for guidance, I think I have latitude to make this small adjustment on my own. Perhaps some anxiety might come back—I have been feeling none, but I’m so sedate and flat that I can’t do anything, and this is no way to go through life.

I feel at the mercy of these meds, always looking for the perfect combination and dosage to improve my lot. It just doesn’t exist, it’s a give and take, accept some things, maybe push back on others. But I absolutely cannot lose the writing and cooking, I can’t keep sitting in this chair staring off into space. So let’s try this anxiety med adjustment, see what happens, Fetter was suggesting it over a week ago. I was tempted to call mom to analyze the whole situation but fortunately I held off. Let’s give her a break. I can handle this, let’s just see how I feel tomorrow. Baby steps. Writing is hard so I’ll sign off for now. Later.