Ok so I’ve fully adjusted to the new thyroid med dose of 112 mcg. The anxiety in the morning and throughout the day I was experiencing has dissipated. What I’m left with though is two things: 1.) I feel over medicated from the 4,800 mg of Gabapentin I’m now taking to manage my anxiety and 2.) Michael and mom are completely at their limit with dealing with my anxiety angst and self-centeredness.
I had a completely sobering conversation with my husband this morning first thing where he told me to stop texting him all the time; he said I need to start focusing on other people and their needs; he told me to sort through my angst with the coping skills I get from therapy (journal, exercise, deep breathing, meditation, etc). He wants me to be the pilot of my airplane, facing fear head on.
I’m afraid.
Next I talked to mom and she echoed everything Michael said. She emphasized she wants me thinking of others more, not being so self-focused. I tried to explain that this past three months of tinkering with my levothyroxine dose has been brutal on me, it set my anxiety off badly, but now it appears to be finally resolved at 112 mcg. But she just wants a break from my angsting in general.
I feel alone.
I will try and do what my support people want, be the captain of my ship, stand on my own two feet. But it’s so challenging when you take the arsenal of meds I do, when you have these diagnoses, oh just forget it, I cannot play the victim card! I just need to push harder to do things, find energy some place, some where.
Damnit I’m stuck, trapped in this recliner. I wonder if there are others like me, no energy, angsting, overweight, post menopausal, basically afraid? I’m sure there are. I need something to occupy me besides my self-centered thoughts. I should do this week’s writing prompt but I’m too scatterbrained. When will I be feeling stronger? Will I ever get energy again? Feeling kinda discouraged.
Never give up!
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