Baby Steps

Up very early every morning. That's the one problem with Latuda: you don't sleep very well in these initial weeks. I take an Ativan to try and get sleepy again. I get frustrated that I must take all these pills but that's a part of my life now.

I was invited to go out with some friends two nights ago, but declined as I always do. I get tired easily; I don't like crowds; I live like a hermit now. It's not that I want to be this way -- I just feel most comfortable living like this.

I wonder if other people with bipolar illness are like this? I know depressives don't want anyone around and strongly medicated folks in mania can't really function too well. Sure, you've probably seen manic people with bipolar dancing off the walls but I'm guessing they are not taking their meds or tinkering with them.

I have been driving out to my Mother's house every day and spending time with her. I know I should make some effort to go out, preferably showering beforehand. I managed to take a shower Friday (it's Sunday) and it was an effort, to be sure. But I am hopeful as my body adjusts to these new meds I will get some energy back.

It's a beautiful Fall day and I think I am going to put a coat on and try to go for a walk. Some of the swelling has gone down and I can walk without pain, though I did break my toe 2 weeks ago. That still hurts. I feel like I'm just one big downer today...no, none of that!!! I'm taking my Baby Steps of recovery from the hospitalizations and the horrible mania this past summer.

Let's leave things here on a positive note. I'm home, it's pretty outside, my family and friends love me. That's a lot to be grateful for these days.