Sacked

Well, I've waited a few days to share this with everyone. I've been fired and I'm pretty embarrassed about the whole thing. Not angry -- maybe that comes later. Might it be I'm relieved? Or that I expected it given all the leave I requested this year and the two hospitalizations?

Come to think of it, I've been fired from every job I've had since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I don't want to pursue legal options so don't suggest that. It would stress me out too much and I'm too ashamed and I just want the experiences behind me.

I am seriously considering hanging up my working hat and focusing on staying at home. Staying stable. I just can't handle these hospitalizations every 3 years. We haven't pursued this strategy before. I'm very proud and I wanted to keep working despite the diagnosis and the medications and the concerns about stress. But let's get honest: I'm disabled.

I'll share a secret I'm also ashamed of: I receive federal disability insurance (SSDI). I'll continue to receive that. It's not much but it helps with monthly bills. My family subsidizes us too. What a sorry state of affairs this is!

But I know from my interactions with others sharing my illness that my story is all too familiar. I've got a husband who works and no children to support. We make it on his salary and money from our parents. Things could be so much worse and I count my blessings. The more I think about it, just focusing on running my household makes more sense. It's not something I prefer, but something I find I'll be doing  (by default).

I haven't let my husband know of my intention to leave the workforce. I'm going to wait a few weeks. I don't think he'll be mad -- just disappointed and probably sad for me. I don't like dwelling on the negative in these posts so I'll end here. Blue skies will come eventually. They always do.