So I awoke this morning early, oh, sometime after 4:00 a.m., and I do get slightly worried because I was up late last night. But I know from experience when I have been slightly off emotionally it can temporarily interrupt my normal sleeping habits, so given yesterday’s troubles I’m not surprised I’m a little under-rested. I just checked the weather report and the sun is supposed to come out today so that should help a little to lift my spirits. I have tentative plans to go to mom’s house today and work on some art—I’m eager to get started on some things and I need to go to Walgreen’s and begin printing off some photos from my trusty red iPhone.
I did start this morning with some readings from Hazelden, which are comforting to me (even though I completely forget what I have read after reading it). I find I do have cognitive impairment still (thanks Risperdal) although I am able to write again after years of an extremely frustrating writer’s block. I’m tempted to just regurgitate all my frustrations with being bipolar on a canvas, but no, I’m far more interested in doing something uplifting and whimsical, something thought-provoking and powerful. Yes, yes I know to always strive to be humble, but something just propels me to try and make a big splash.
God bless mom, she did spend a good deal of time talking to me last night, calming me down, making me chuckle, helping me to see possibilities with decorating the bedroom upstairs so it is more welcoming. She suggested I name the room “My Choice” and I really like that—I may have a sign made at Amazon to hang over the door. I already have some interesting things on the wall and I should probably go up to the attic and bring down the Daniel Work paintings I purchased years ago. Maybe I just calm down about moving and work on this house a bit and make myself comfortable in my surroundings. Fetter said it was best we just stay here for awhile, not sell, as getting your hands on cash leads to just spending it (though I must say I did enjoy our splurge at Easton yesterday immensely!).
Speaking of things bought yesterday, Michael found the absolute perfect recliner to replace his banged up old black one, and we got a fabulous deal on it because some wise Asian woman told me I could get savings if I opened a Macy’s account back up. I was at first hesitant to get a Macy’s card again, but I do so love that store! I also got some make up from a wonderful woman at the MAC counter at Nordstrom who showed me how to properly apply eyebrow liner and blush. And I got two pairs of boots from DSW, so it was Merry Christmas for us, just a few weeks later!
Sure, I’ve still got my worries but I’m feeling a little calmer today. I think if I can work to control the stimuli around me, I’ll be ok. The Hazelden readings touched on letting go of control, handing things over to the Higher Power, and I agree with that to some extent. However, having bipolar disorder, I do have to exert a little bit of effort to limit things that get me over-stimulated. I’m doing OK with music right now, just need to watch the volume a little bit. Not so sure about TV. We will see how I do today. I have the bedroom to go up to if it’s a problem.
I’m looking around here and seeing many possibilities for future art projects…just spied the picture of Boomer next to esteemed Blue Jacket Rick Nash that Glenna made for me, and oh, how tempted I am to use that in a piece! But Michael could get so upset if I removed it. Is there anywhere in Columbus where I can get a copy of a photo in a frame? Better ask Phil Adams, trusty local photographer what he knows. I’m thinking of endless possibilities if I can combine the photo with found objects…hmmmm. Where’s my copy of “The Safety of Objects” by A.J. Holmes?
Well I’m sure I’ll be tired this evening and not want to cook dinner, but I’m thinking easy clams in red sauce with linguini and a salad. I did look at myself in a mirror yesterday and was NOT pleased with what I saw and feel oh so tempted to throw myself back on that radical keto diet again. But no, I just cannot do that, Dr. Larrimer said as much. So maybe I just move into acceptance of this Rubenesque body of mine, stop fighting it, eat within reason, keep up the walks, just do what I can. It’s just I was so ashamed when I was upstairs at Nordstrom and had to be told they no longer have plus sizes in the store—I felt like I didn’t deserve nice, sexy clothes, those were reserved for size 0. But Macy’s did have some suggestive, cute things for me, so I bought those. Perhaps to wear to the Jazz show in March?
OK well that’s it for now. Glad to be writing again and definitely open to the possibility of today being a good day. To the alleys I go!
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