So my mood continues to slightly fluctuate downward, in dips—it’s not crushing depression (thank God for that), but I feel sadness and I cannot seem to pull myself out of it. With that Wastebook out of my life, I’m now looking for other outlets to stimulate my mind, but things like YouTube reveal some massive manipulation attempts going on…what’s with all the bizarre videos showing actors instead of the real performers, the strange ads, the pre-selected play lists; who’s behind the curtain cooking up all this stuff, is it AI or some other whacked out group of controlling programs? Or is it some real honest-to-God humans (if those still exist) trying to work some magic (or perhaps an agenda of their own)?
I definitely am not paranoid just feeling very, very, erm, cautious lately. Maybe it was Fetter telling me last month that the horribly contentious political situation in the U.S. was going to go on for two more decades—I’m thinking about that prognostication and basically, if true, that would mean we’d have to wait for this entire generation of Boomers to Fade to Black until we could know peace again—but I’m not quite sure Fetter has it right here. Regardless, his comment stuck with me and I’ve been very, very unsettled since.
Dr. Levy though appears to be pleased with my med cocktail I’m on right now, apparently the dosages are correct, so I guess I must navigate my current mood state on my own, utilizing the tools I have to keep myself steady. That means: keeping an extremely close eye on social media use; severely curtailing exposure to TV news; keeping calm with soothing music; walking; watching what I eat (within reason); not isolating; working on my art projects; seeing my doctors and therapist; taking meds religiously; and getting support from family and friends. Another thing I’m adding is going to bed and trying not to chair sleep, as I recently noticed that I can hear whatever comes out of Michael’s iPad when he is on YouTube and he is fed some pretty bizarre stuff and I’m convinced I picked up some of it when I was starting to get sick back in October. New theory I’m working on, that both Facebook and YouTube somehow contributed to my destabilization…somewhat intriguing thought that I might explore.
I’m thinking about that AA saying, “We shall not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it” when I get angry about having to go to the hospital for the 10th time last November. Fortunately I was lucky to find a piece of a door during one of my alley trolling sessions and you better believe I will be incorporating that in some way in some future piece of art. I’m smiling because German Village is overflowing with liberal, rich Boomers, but I’m pretty sure not a one of them has an autographed picture of a smiling “Boomer” Columbus Blue Jacket failed mascot like I do, a mascot who is tucked away in some closet there at the Arena downtown. I’d love to incorporate my Boomer pic in a piece but alas, I cannot part with it.
Speaking of my neighbors, they are absolutely wonderful, and whimsical too. A special hat tip to whomever is utilizing hay over there on Macon Alley—I plucked some to use in my art and I’m excited to see how it transforms the canvas! There is also the almost mystical dirt mound at the Pizzuti site; it’s a no-brainer to me to start a comparison with the Egyptian builders, the Civil War, and weave in the Ohio State football connection with the site…more to come. (Perhaps the Blue Jackets too?) I definitely am at the point where I need larger pieces of wood or metal to start laying things out, but I have to be careful of mom and her OCD. If I inundate her home with a lot of dirty stuff she will go bonkers so I gotta be reasonable. I guess come Spring, I can start working outside here at home, where we don’t care much what’s dirty and what’s not (hee, hee).
So right now I’m feeling better and today Michael and I are going to Easton for lunch and shopping. I’m excited for something interesting to do, and you know me, I love to eat out! Note to you, dear readers: notice that all the restaurants are cutting back on salt (and sacrificing flavor), a new fad pushed probably by the Surgeon General. It’s terrible, in my opinion, salt is the building block of all outstanding recipes. Without it, well, it’s like eating cardboard. Perhaps the first book I will try to read is Samin Nosrat’s, “Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat” and I suggest you do too! Have a good day all.
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