An early good morning, dear reader(s), I am awake watching for snow outside (as ominously forecasted last night) but there doesn’t seem to be too much on the ground, it’s mostly just raining outside. Ah, the unpredictable weather of Columbus, it always has surprises in store for us, and more often than not things are not as too terribly bad as we might think. I slept fairly well last night, I cannot remember any nightmares, which is comforting. Legs though did give me a scare yesterday, he was having trouble walking, and was shivering (a sign of pain) so I immediately called Dr. Sears, who recommended an anti-inflammatory pain medication that I gave Legs. Wouldn’t you know, he got so much better, stopped trembling, ate heartily, and yes, barked outside. I’m temporarily relieved, though I know he is getting so old and I’m preparing myself for the day he leaves us…may we just treasure this time we have together.
I took a brief break from the wonders of the YouTube tech experience and just did a little I Want Eye Candy tour of Amazon—my, how intriguing some the merchandise photos really are, if you stop and examine them for awhile. My memory got jogged back to an art piece I did long ago, in acrylic, of an old rotary/push button (?) style telephone with a dollar sign coming across the ear piece (if this makes sense!); a gentleman bought it from me at the art show, I’m fairly certain I charged him $50 bucks for it. Goodness knows what he did with it. Get it framed, perhaps? I’m kinda intrigued by exploring Amazon further, not to buy, but to analyze with my “I Know That I Don’t Know” skull cap on.
I had a wonderful AA zoom last night, Meditating Over the Rainbow, with sponsor Shawn and a great small group of familiar faces. I tried my best to relax and listen to calming instructions on how to ease a troubled mind and get into the now. Our topic for discussion was “service” and I chuckled at the mention of cleaning ashtrays at meetings, for I remember 25 years ago that when I was fighting to get my 90 meetings in 90 days, it was my trusty Marlboro Lights that helped me hold it together. I was a mess. Most are quick to prattle off the dangers of/disgust with smoking, but if it’s a choice between alcohol or cigarettes in those early days of sobriety, hey, keep your cigarettes. Enough said.
I’ve been wondering lately if I’ve been knocking myself out too heavily with my OTC Simply Sleep…I keep conking out early and waking up before daybreak, and I’m not sure if that’s what I’m supposed to be doing? I know Dr. Levy doesn’t really want me relying on Simply Sleep at all, but he knows how important sleep is to my stability. I guess I’m worried that I’m addicted to the stuff, addicted to nicotine gum, coffee, my tea in the afternoon, cooking, oh just addicted to everything, and that somehow makes me a bad person. Unredeemable. Maybe the answer to this lies in some Amazon Prime movie, called “C’est La Vie” or “Voulez Vous Couchez” or something to that extent?
The one thing I know is I’m still utterly uncomfortable with most news except what mom shares with me from The Wall Street Journal. It’s a trust thing, it’s a trauma thing, it’s a knowing thing that everyone, everyone, has an agenda they are trying to filter through a lens of someone else’s making. Maybe that’s what we are all left with in today’s capitalist society. Maybe that was my message in my telephone artwork I sold to that pleasant man years ago. Who knows. Who am I, but some formerly drunk, bipolar weirdo trying to survive in a world of mandates and controls.
Sorry for my questioning darkness this early morning. Just waiting for daybreak. It’s an hour away, so off to YouTube I go. Or perhaps Amazon? Or Pandora? Oh, the places we can go!
No comments:
Post a Comment