A New Hope

 Good morning reader(s), happy Monday, I awoke early and was able to attend the AA Meditation Monday Zoom meeting, which was most helpful to me. The importance of spirituality was discussed, and how to free ourselves from worry (about the future), which often leads to fear and general unpleasantness. I’m finding hope that I can move on from the resentments I discussed yesterday, find forgiveness, and free myself from the fears that paralyze me. I’m going to keep trying to turn things over to my Higher Power, stay in touch with spirituality, not fear that, rather see wonderment in it. 

I have a fairly uneventful day today, just my monthly FaceTime with Dr. Levy at 10:00 a.m. I know I had previously toyed with asking him for a slight reduction in the Risperdal so I could get in touch with my feelings more, but now I’m shying away from that, I just feel more safe and comfortable staying with my med regimen as it currently stands. I wonder if Dr. Levy would understand if I told him I’m feeling more “perceptive” or if that even makes sense? Perhaps it’s just the greater cognition being on the lower amount of Depakote. That’s probably what’s happening. I’m looking forward to perhaps showing Dr. Levy some of my art when he returns to in-person meetings in May. “To Jasper” with the Dr. Pepper and Icehouse Edge crushed cans comes to mind. 

It’s a beautiful day today, I think it calls for a walk with Lily at some point. More alley trolling, which ones I don’t know yet. I’m planning the Green Goddess Chicken for tonight, was too tired to make it yesterday, we resorted instead to McDonalds, and I had my predictable Big Mac, fries, and a shake (a caloric free-for-all). I’m wondering when I will start to diet again, that’s on my mind, summer will be here before we know it and I’ll want to be playing tennis and will need to wear shorts. Although I always watch my portion size, I have been somewhat eating whatever I want and maybe it’s time to put the reins on that a little bit? We shall see.

I know when I diet I can get fairly regimented and obsessed, intent on dropping pounds in a fairly quick manner. But I’ve been instructed not to do that, rather focus on exercise, but I’m resisting that, for reasons not yet clear to me. I guess I need to figure out how to get to the YMCA pool in Gahanna not by way of the highway. Friend Julie showed me a route going to James Rd., past the airport, then hooking up with Johnstown Rd. that I could perhaps try. It just seems to be such a long way from home, oh how I wish they would just put a Y pool in the downtown area! Why the powers that be are dragging their feet I do not know. 

Oh whatever, the sun is shining today, temps are on the rise, it’s time to call mom and see what she’s up to. Michael is up early, maybe he can finish getting the attic ready for me to do my artwork. Stay in touch, Melissa, with your spirituality. Hope is found there. That’s my goal for today. Adios friends.