Well yawn and an early good morning, dear reader(s), I had that annoying thing happen where my eyes just open at 4:00 a.m. in the morning and I’m unable to get back to sleep. So wearily I rose, and now I’m downstairs sipping on coffee, listening to Jazz on Pandora, waiting for the 7:00 a.m. First Things First AA Zoom meeting to start in a few hours. I do so hate when I have one of these early morning wake-ups, it’s dark and cold outside and I feel alone here. But I will be able to get my early AA soon, which is nice.
I haven’t had an early morning wake up in weeks—I think the last one was back when I had Covid. My sleep had been great, even with the decrease of the Simply Sleep to 1/4 of a pill, and I guess I was hoping this would last forever. But oh no, life isn’t like that, old, annoying things can crop up (sometimes at inopportune times). I had nightmares last night too, dreamt I was back living at the E. Broad Street house, and there were chickens there laying eggs, and mom was removing hornets’ nests filled with buzzing insects who fortunately didn’t attack when disturbed. Departed friend Andi was in the dream too, back when she was young and so full of life.
Oh well, broken sleep happens, bizarre dreams happen, that’s all a part of life. No, I don’t have to like it, but I know how to manage it, get up and get on with my morning, knowing that tonight I will inevitably sleep much more soundly. I see sponsor Shawn today at 1:00 p.m. at Starbucks and he will have my 6 year sober anniversary coin. We are going to resume discussion of my Fourth Step; here’s hoping I can make some progress. Afterwards I am going to Kroger to get provisions for Thai-Inspired Turkey Meatball Soup. It’s going to be a perfect night for it, cold outside, time for soup!
I tried weighing myself this morning but the batteries in the scale are running out of juice. Perhaps that’s for the best, maybe I shouldn’t be weighing at all, instead just continuing to watch my portion size and not concern myself with any scale numbers. Curiosity will though probably get the best of me, and I’ll end up ordering new batteries on Amazon. Funny, after typing these last few sentences, Pandora ran an ad for digital Kroger coupons—if I were tripping the light fantastic, I’d think someone was monitoring what I’m typing here but what I actually think is afoot is some AI Black Magic. But who am I to think that, whatever, maybe the ads are random (but I did just mention Kroger and electronic scales…hmmmmm….).
Yes, I have to be careful of this wild, technological frontier, particularly given my past experiences with psychosis. Sometimes I long for completely going off the grid, indulging Michael and his dream of moving us to some rural locale far away from concentrated civilization. It’s kinda wanting to stick my head in the sand, get off this fast-paced merry-go-round, but maybe that’s impossible. Rural isolation would be the worst thing for me, I know this in my heart, I need to be around people—and if that means adopting technologies then so be it. I’m just a slow adopter, maybe it’s the meds, in combination with a suspicious nature (just playing it safe).
The coffee is starting to kick in, I think I’m closer to understanding what today’s Ad Men are all about, maybe it’s time for a run with the visuals of YouTube (though perhaps I wait til after this morning’s AA meeting). Hee, hee, hee Pandora just ran an ad for Men-ard’s Hardware, ok now I get what’s going on, and let me tell you that for anyone who has gone through delusional thinking in the past, this kind of stuff can easily lend itself to possible detachment, however mild, from reality—or at the very least, questioning as to who (or what) is observing you. My, what an informative morning I have had so far! Maybe it’s time to go back to handwritten journals…nah, why spoil the fun?
OK, the AA meeting starts soon, so I’ll sign off for today. Here comes the dawn, the darkness is fading away, time to move forward and next hear the sober message. Wishing for you all a firm toe-hold in reality, despite all the craziness surrounding us. Take it easy, first things first! Ciao.
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