Met with Dr. Z earlier this week -- my first meeting with him since I was released from the nuthouse. We are going to leave the daily dose of Seroquel (600 mg) and Haldol (10 mg) intact, despite my longing that these meds are switched out. He said we can revisit my "med cocktail" at our next meeting in 2 weeks.
I am frustrated.
I have been sleeping very, very deeply and had an accident in the bed the other night. Too zoned out to wake up to go pee, and I wet the bed. This is so embarrassing to talk about, but I know it's not my fault. This happened twice in the loony bin. I feel ashamed that I apparently cannot trust my bladder, although I didn't have an accident last night. Hopefully it will not happen again...
My husband had the car today so I began trying to organize the mess around here. It's hard to follow through on my household tasks. I hung up some of the new clothes I bought -- my size keeps changing i.e. going upward -- and bagged things to go to the Salvation Army. I know if I can get things cleaned up and organized I can think more clearly.
But for now, I am moving very, very slowly. Although I am in a rush to get everything picked up, to overcome 12 years of dealing with my bipolar disorder, I must be patient. And this is so very hard for me.
I want to let you know I did have a breakthrough with the phone: I am checking messages and answering calls. I also have started reading the local newspaper. Not all of it. Just a little bit. I stay away from newspapers out of fear that I will go nuts and start sending gibberish to them. I've done this in the past. I haven't read a newspaper in years. But I'd like to try now.
All in all, this has been a very strange trip. A magical mystery tour. Well, maybe not magical. It's been 5 months of trying to cap the mania. My longest manic episode to date.But i'm tough, wearing my "Women of Steel" button. You know I'm a survivor.
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