Tar Pit

My sadness is still lingering today. I had a massage earlier this week, hoping it might help. So much house cleaning needs to be done that it is absolutely overwhelming. I'm frozen by the sheer mass that needs to be organized. I need some help but I don't know where to turn.

Perhaps I will call my sister to come over and help me. No, I don't want to burden her with this. I think I need my mother. Someone, anyone to help me. Perhaps I am biting off too much here. I am barely two weeks out of the hospital. This is rehab time. I need to slow down. Focus on getting better.

I am waiting for the maintenance company to call me back so we can start the work on the exterior of our home. I may have to call them again. Perhaps they don't want to do business with us? I'm not sure why no one called us back to schedule an appointment. As you know, the work on the exterior is tied to the work on the interior. Once we get the ball rolling on the outside I will be motivated to do the inside. Why don't they call me back?

I am wondering if the depression is tied to my current med cocktail. Perhaps I am taking a dosage that keeps me too low, not neutral. I don't see Dr. Z until late next week, so I'll have to hang in there and gut this out.  I don't like the depression at all. I don't want to shower or brush my teeth; moving around is difficult; I want to eat to feel better.

I'm wishing I could relay more uplifting news to you. But right now I'm really low. My Mom did get me a wonderful fleece purple robe and that arrived yesterday. I'm wearing it now and it's wonderful. My husband is cleaning up the kitchen and making breakfast and that makes me happy. He took a FMLA day which he deserves and needs because he is my caretaker and there's a big weight on his shoulders.

I pray that Dr. Z finds some way to get me off the Seroquel and Haldol. I know he doesn't want to change things because I'm stable now and my past tinkering put me in the nut hut. He's taking a conservative approach. It's just that these meds keep me depressed, fat and numb. I'm frightened to read any newspapers or books. I do like seeing the Facebook posts from my friends and people/things that interest me. But I'm not living. I'm a zombie.

Today is Friday and I am going to try and make it a more enjoyable one. I am going to take a shower and brush my teeth. That's progress. I think that's pretty much all I can do right now. I guess this is okay. I'm just so sad.