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| Happy Easter |
I did a good deal of cooking today. We had our Easter ham, and I made an au gratin potato casserole, creamed pearl onions with bacon and chives, a special green bean casserole (no, not with Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup and fried onions!), and hot cross buns. As I said yesterday, I'm really encouraged that I am still able to cook. This is a very good sign that I am not in mania.
My husband is here and my family is a phone call away. My mother will be back up in Columbus in less than a week. I should be able to ride through this. I am doing everything I have been told to do -- so fingers crossed this all remains under control.
But I will tell you I am very scared. Hyper-vigilant, I guess. All those past hospitalizations, all those frightening experiences in unchecked psychosis...I know you cannot fully understand mania/psychosis unless you have been through it. And it's ultimately hard to describe with words in the English language -- in some cases, there are none. But for me, it has been so frightening, so upsetting, so embarrassing, so painful. I don't want to go through this again. Never again.
I want to keep working. I like my job. I want to continue to write this blog. I should tell you I called the emergency line for my doctor's office (it's Sunday) and spoke to the doctor on call. As a precaution, we are increasing my anti-psychotic med (Invega) by 3 mg. so now I am on 6 mg./day. I felt a little sluggish earlier, but I'm okay right now. A meeting will be set up tomorrow with Dr. Z (my psychiatrist) and Dr. P (one of my therapists) so we can get on the same page and figure out what is going on with me.
So this is today's report. Now it's time for evening pills and time for bed...sigh and sigh again.
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