Sleepy, But Stable

Escape: The bedroom

Postscript: I awoke from a 3 hour sleep this afternoon, still feeling tired but definitely calmer than this morning. I feel confident that upping the Depakote was a good thing to do, even though it drove me to bed and I missed a good portion of this beautiful day. Thrilled to report I was successfully able to cook the Russian meal I had planned for tonight. When I am in mania, I cannot cook at all.

I am very, very hesitant to go outside at all -- and seriously considering giving my husband the car keys. But I might be over-reacting. I'm just not sure. I will soon take my evening dose of pills which should knock me out for the night. I am afraid I will wake up at 3:00 a.m. again...but I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed I can make it through the night without a problem.

I have my husband by my side and we are watching a play-off hockey game. I feel very safe right now. I spoke to my Mother earlier on the phone and she was so supportive. She said I sounded much. much better than this morning. I guess my plan is to just sleep as much as I can to keep any whiff of mania at bay. My "gut" tells me this is what I need to do.

I also need to keep any and all stress at an absolute minimum. Which calls into question my attending some activities scheduled next weekend for my 30th High School reunion. I'm very, very nervous about it. Just the thought of it makes me very uncomfortable. My husband said he might be able to "chaperone" me to some women-only gatherings. But that makes me feel like a freak. I don't want to think about this right now.

Okay, I'm off to take pills and wait for the Big Sleep. I don't like this at all. But it's what I must do...