Well sweet Lily has foiled my attempts to go back to sleep, so here I am as 4:00 a.m. approaches, grateful at least for the 5 or so hours of sleep I got last night. I’ve had a long run of good night’s sleep, so I guess this is par for the course. Oh well. Coffee is brewing, got the Ray Charles playing on Pandora, Lily and Michael are sleeping, Legs is in heaven playing with Lou and Nell. Guess I shouldn’t have taken the extra Simply Sleep at 2:00 a.m., so lesson maybe learned there. Guess you might need to teach this old dog some new tricks. Sigh. Michael said I don’t have to cook tonight, so odds are good I can just rest in bed this afternoon. Blessed be.
Lord, I’m tired. Wonder if I’ll just conk out in my chair. Definitely think maybe I might go back to bed when Michael comes downstairs. I guess I’m relieved that Legs won’t be making a racket, wanting his walk. There’s something to be said about the sounds of silence. Yup, I’ve got the AA First Things First meeting at 7:00 a.m. It’s Meditation Monday. I’ll just be listening, of course. Friend Lolly is up at this hour so we texted. I told her to text Michael, who I know is really hurting right now. Yesterday was so terribly difficult for him, heck for us both. And Lily too. Not sure what today will bring. I hope Michael has a friend to reach out to—or maybe when we see Dr. Sears Thursday he can help give Michael closure.
Let me say some words about my strange, cantankerous (at times) husband. He actually has a heart of gold, he knows goodness when he sees it, maybe he just feels neutered in a way by someone, something in this wretched current state of affairs we find ourselves currently living in these days. All I wish for him is to find some friends to talk with—he is so intelligent and funny, and if you can get past his wild, long hair, you might see a twinkle in his eye (if he lets you see it). I’m the more outgoing one, but Michael opens up too if given the chance. He is the Yin to my Yang, I’m so deeply intertwined with him. Some may call that unhealthy, but it’s held us together for 21 years, and hey, isn’t that an accomplishment? I hope he can process his pain with someone, well, I guess besides me, if that’s possible. Look at me, I just worry about everyone, just like mom. Hence why I need my sessions with Fetter.
Well, we are getting closer to 7:00 a.m. now, and my AA session. People on Pandora are talking about Valentine’s Day this week, but I really don’t feel like making a big production out of it this year. I’ve got a broken heart right now, not sure when or how it is to be mended. I guess no one knows how long grieving takes. Part of me is tempted to start looking for a replacement of Legs; another part tells me to wait, just grieve, feel the feelings, trust in my Higher Power to guide us. I’m confused but that’s OK. And I’m sad. Terribly sad. Such is life right now.
No comments:
Post a Comment