Lessons

 Well good morning dear reader(s), I come to you after another marathon sleep and I feel groggy again. Why I don’t cut back the Simply Sleep I don’t know, except to say I like the escape it gives me from the anxiety and stress I feel from everyday life. Am I addicted to the stuff, probably, or maybe I just got fed up with waking up at 3:00 a.m. in the morning. Oh what to do, except pop a pill and crawl under the covers and sleep some more.

So yesterday got interesting after I posted here. I made the mistake of going upstairs and getting on the scale—saw that I had gained 2 lbs. in a day (which seemed absolutely impossible given the small amount of food I’ve been eating). Now I know that I’m not supposed to be weighing every day, rather once a week to keep my anxiety in check. Off I went to therapy, where I was all out of sorts, talking about Michael and the house, everything but the weight gain, and it was not until I got to mom on the phone afterwards and burst into tears about the weight gain that I was able to relax and get a grip back.

And so we have the power of the scale over me, and how I get into trouble with it. I don’t quite know how I’m to lose weight without monitoring my progress on the scale, it’s kinda necessary, I think, plus I like seeing the number go down. But it ushers in such anxiety and swings in mood that aren’t good for me. So I have to really, really be careful going forward. I have to battle back my curiosity with the number, and exercise patience. Hard stuff, to be sure. Mom is going to help me stay on track with the weekly weigh-ins, and I can talk to her if the curiosity gets to be too much. I think I’ve got this (fingers crossed).

I also had a very strange experience last night. I went to a small AA Meditation Meeting Zoom, and we did a recorded guided meditation (my first time with one) and I felt something close to an out of body experience. I suggested the group talk about compassion for others and ourselves, and it was a very good discussion that followed. When I came downstairs to join Michael afterwards, I promptly fell asleep in my recliner. Interesting. I am enjoying these meditation Zooms and I think I will do more of them. 

The other lesson I put into play yesterday was letting go. I gave Michael a list of three things I require in 2023:

1. Chimney repair

2. House trim painted

3. New car

Now I’m letting go of it, it’s in his hands. I’m not going to continually harp on this list, I’m turning it over. And I feel better when I do this, even though I don’t know what the outcome of my requests will be. Acceptance is the key, I know this, let my Higher Power sort things out.

Finally, I have some beauty treatments planned for this afternoon, going to the salon for some eyebrow waxing. Nice thing to keep the face tidy, I’m grateful for the funds to do so. Then home to bathe and walk Lily and prepare a Creamy Mushroom Pasta with roasted broccoli for dinner. Just keeping things simple, that works best for me. 

OK, happy Friday all. Hope things are going well for you in your corner of the world. If not, keep the faith things can and do get better. Ciao.