Turning The Corner

 Well good morning, dear readers, here I am on Day 9 of Covid and definitely feeling so much better. I’ve been sleeping well, my symptoms are subsiding, the worst is over and I’m relieved. I’m feeling the urge to get out today, where I don’t know yet. I’m tempted to go to mom’s but I’ve got a therapy FaceTime at 12:30 p.m., so perhaps I just occupy myself here at home, maybe put away some clothes or wash the bed sheets? Maybe clean the flannel and put on regular sheets as the temperature is rising now that Spring is here. 

Lots of thoughts are swirling through my head now. Should I embark on a diet? What would happen if I started weighing again and measuring out my food, would I get sick again like last Fall? Yup, it always comes down to the weight, that’s why I fell apart so many times in the past, I was upset over the weight gain caused by the meds and either tinkered with them or went on drastic diets and just ended up in the looney bin. Weight is definitely my cross to bear now. Ugh.

I’m also thinking about what I read the other day, my blog entries from 2014, where I chronicled psychosis and coming out of it. On the one hand, I’m very glad to have this blog here to read over to see my past dealing with this bipolar disorder, but on the other hand it can be very unsettling to see a mind so topsy turvy, in the throes of psychotic features, trying to have a grip, definitely displaying grandiosity, I guess I’m embarrassed that I went through that.

I’ve been struggling to make sense of what I’ve been going through since I resumed writing here four months ago. No, I’m not psychotic, but I have felt a little odd and as you know I’ve been going through this thing with YouTube and the alley trolling looking for things for my art—is it bizarre behavior, or is it all normal, I cannot tell. I do know when I was floridly psychotic I would look at trash in the alleys but this feels entirely different, I am selecting items to tell a story on a canvas. I keep asking Fetter whether I am crazy or not, and I think perhaps that’s the reason why I’m not crazy. If I were off my rocker I certainly wouldn’t be questioning myself. I know that to be true.

I guess it’s all good, and maybe what I do this afternoon is get back to the alleys and see what treasures are waiting. I need to resume taking pictures with my iPhone, this blog needs the enhancement of photos along with the text. I’m hoping my head will clear up so the creativity can shine through again. OK I’m off to take a shower, I need to get clean, yes I’ve definitely turned the corner on this Covid. Take care friends.