Anxiety

 Just had an awful bout with anxiety this morning, which gratefully has been controlled by taking extra Gabapentin and talking through things with mom on the phone. It’s the two things I need in conjunction, the medication and the dialogue, which help me get a toe hold on things. I seem to always get anxious over things I cannot control—things that cause uncertainty that makes me uncomfortable. I’m trying to remember to Let Go and Let God but it’s difficult for me. Maybe it’s time for a prayer:

Dear God, please work through Michael today. I’m trying to control him and it isn’t working. I’m only getting frustrated and upset. I cannot control another. God I’m turning it over to you. I don’t want to be orchestrating outcomes. I’m tired. I have Covid. Help me God to just relax today and heal. Amen.

OK I just sent a long text to sponsor Shawn telling him he needs to be aware of my sensitivity towards matters concerning my husband and my house. Shawn was a little too forthright in his opinions yesterday during our Zoom which led to me having an anxiety attack this morning. Fetter has counseled me to not have a knee-jerk reaction of thinking I have to act immediately on everything Shawn tells me. I tend to do that, act on the last thing I have heard, and it’s not fair to Michael and gets me all worked up. I’m getting better at figuring all of this out. It has just taken one helluva long time.

It’s going up to 80 today, we have windows open and a wonderful breeze is blowing through the house. Michael is wearing shorts, maybe I need to finally shave my legs? I still feel the remnants of Covid, here on Day 8. Kinda feel like staying in my nightgown for awhile longer. Mom told me to take a shower but I’m not feeling motivated. I’m allowed to just take it easy. 

I may get dressed and make a run to Starbucks for some passion tea. I probably should get dressed. Yes, I’m up for a car ride. I’m planning meatball subs for dinner, maybe give Michael some French fries too. OK my head is muddled, this is all the writing I can muster today. Later folks.