A Gathering

 Well yawn and good morning, dear reader(s), I come to you on Saturday morning trying to sip down coffee to clear the cobwebs of Simply Sleep from my head. The family is gathering today at mom’s place at High Noon, for an interesting Easter brunch consisting of ham sliders, chicken salad croissant sandwiches, corn casserole, fruit salad and cinnamon rolls—not exactly the Easter ham dinner I would have liked but hey, I guess you have to be flexible these days. When people are on tighter budgets you have to improvise, so that’s what’s going on here. I don’t have to like it but I’m not going to say anything, just go and assemble a plate and keep the comments to myself. Of course I’m tempted to needle mom a little bit, but we got in such a row over Christmas that I really need to bite my tongue. Cripey, I hope Michael behaves…we shall see.

Ah, family gatherings. Interesting that Chip is absent again—my dear brother, sunning himself down in Florida. No need however for petty jealousy. I just find it intriguing that he manages to side-step these family obligations all the time. Guess if you’re bored and broke back in Ohio there’s no where else to go but mom’s place for this rather anemic brunch; whoops, am I being too harsh, casting judgment without seeing how the spread will look? Oh, how tempted am I to call mom up and start bitching. What, pray tell, has gotten in to me?!

OK I just got off the phone with mom and I did bitch a bit about the gathering, saying I had wanted a proper ham dinner all along, and next year I am going to put my foot down and insist we do things the way the Good Lord intended. Mom didn’t get angry with me at all, she understood, so now I feel better that I voiced my unpleasantness rather than keep it boiled up inside of me. I guess family gatherings are always fraught with a little tension, what’s new and all that. Come on Melissa, adjust your attitude, smiles, everyone, smiles. Pass the face mask, be a good girl, you know how these things go.

I guess I should’ve known I’d be off to a grumpy morning when I had a drinking dream last night. It involved high school friends, being back at a school, oh it just was angst-ridden, and I drank, or maybe I didn’t drink but I wanted to. And I’m unsteady this morning and mom isn’t available to talk me through it. Maybe I can talk to Michael? But he’s grumpy in the mornings too. Damn.

OK my grumpiness has now morphed into a full on worrying anxiety attack. I just took some extra Gabapentin and tried to call mom but I guess she is in the shower? I’m scared and worried and my thoughts are spiraling…how to get them under control? I’m doing deep breathing and trying to focus on the Mozart on the radio right now. Michael has assured me he will be fine at the gathering, I’m not to worry, he actually prefers a brunch. So this anxiety is actually for nothing—It’s stupid, really. I wonder if this is just remnants of the Covid anxiety my friend Katie talks about? Perhaps.

I’m going to get dressed and take Lily for a walk. That should definitely help to calm me down a little. This is just another family gathering, no need to get worked up. Breathe, Melissa. Try to enjoy yourself. This will not be a repeat of Christmas. One minute at a time. You got this.