Wanna Be

Woke up this morning feeling a little dejected. I was recalling my days as a fledgling journalist in 2000-2001 working for a small newspaper in a county adjacent to Columbus. I loved working there and I believe I thrived there. This was of course all before I got sick, and I could easily manage the high stress of deadlines.

When I took the job at the paper, I interrupted my studies at The Ohio State University to obtain a Master's in Journalism (my second Master's degree). I had a 4.0 GPA and was teaching undergraduate classes and I could have stayed, but I didn't think women were treated particularly well there, and I believe there are lots of harassment claims (but I haven't dug deeply into this to be sure). I remember meeting a woman in the park who had been in the Master's program in Economics at OSU and she was harassed so terribly it emotionally scarred her. She of course left. I don't blame her.

I chose to follow a career in journalism because I wanted to move into Public Affairs reporting. I had the undergraduate degree in Government from Smith; the international study at the London School of Economics; the Master's degree in Public Management from the University of Maryland and solid experience working in the Executive branch of the federal government at the U.S. Department of Energy. I knew (and still know) how "the game" was played, and I wanted to (as objectively as possible) look at and analyze things through another lens.

Now of course, objectivity is something one might strive for but it is difficult -- if not in some cases impossible -- to obtain, because we all have different past experiences like how/where we grew up, what gender we are, how old we are, where we went to school, etc. It's so easy to become subjective. Indeed, does true objectivity even exist?

But as a policy analyst at the Department of Energy it was my job to just look at both the pros and cons of a proposed policy change and not choose one option over another. That was a task for others to do. So I believed public affairs journalism was a good "career move" for me. And I do love to write, after all. When I was really dreaming big, I hoped to one day have my own column. God, I would have loved that. But as you know that did not transpire.

I know they say let bygones be bygones. Honestly, I'm not bitter things didn't turn out the way I had planned. I guess everything happens for a reason. I try real hard not to dwell in the past or live in the feared future, rather live in the "precious present." That works for me. Dream big, I think. Then you won't have regrets later.