Celebrated my birthday last night with chicken wings, shots of God knows what, and of course numerous beers. I am paying the price today...but I must admit I did have fun and Michael took me to White Castle to top the evening off. It was hilarious.
Planning to lay low and not question things (so much) today. Such as why this city feels so "empty" to me -- as if everyone moved away and have been replaced by a team of others. People I know randomly cross paths with me -- others call or reach out through mail and Facebook. This may be "normal" but it doesn't feel that way to me. I am still suspicious and worried and hyper-sensitive. This is why I feel the way I do.
A strange thing happened yesterday. Michael and I got pastries and walked over to the park. As we got closer, I started feeling very, very ill. We sat down on one of the benches circling the statue of Andi. It was uncomfortable for me.
I also know that this situation I am in now -- the knowing all and seeing the big picture -- may not last long. And that is why I wrote and sent my resignation letter because I won't know what in the heck to do with myself when I "recover." How strange I will feel. I also believe recovery is going to take time -- I don't know how much. The Build Ohio work cranks up after Labor Day. What do I do if I can't handle it?
Very strange dreams last night about Stephanie Skestos being mean and shunning me from our high school clique; and then a dream about confronting therapists in Phil's office for wasting my time, threatening me, and other things. I lashed out with threats they would be terminated, All in all, these dreams were upsetting. I didn't like them.
Still hungry and very thirsty for beer. Going to try and address the latter as soon as possible. It's very hard though. I'm struggling.
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