When the financial stress is removed, I can think more clearly and get more things done. The tight restraints caused by a lack of money (thank you capitalism) prohibit me from doing the necessary work I need to do. I am going to be unemployed (i.e. not have a "traditional" paying job) for an unknown period of time and I need to be assured that this will not lead to knock out, drag me out fights with my husband and fear and stress. There is work that needs to be done on the house. It is critical. Needs to be done this summer. Michael can be a big obstacle -- that has to stop. Mom can too when I ask for money. She always says she doesn't have any, when I know she does. I am anticipating needing about the same amount of money I got from AGC of Ohio ($350/week) give or take. Don't need much. And of course help with the gutters.
We could start using credit cards, but I'm worried about debt...
I need to get on a level playing field with Michael in some respects. He has excellent negotiating skills and gets good contractors in SOME instances. And I'm proud of him for that. But I know a thing or two myself. On the deck: we need to seriously ask ourselves if he is going to finish the project or if we just bring a handyman in here to get it done. That thing could be finished in a few hours -- an afternoon. I know Michael's pride is on the line but God damn it, the thing is unfinished. It's not safe to walk on; Nell has trouble; it's an eyesore...need I go on? What blows my mind is why can't he just realize that bringing someone in here and paying them next to nothing frees him up to go flying? He won't have to stay home over the weekend laboring on the project. It's insanity, I tell you!
We work together best when it comes to ideas and I love working with him in the garden. It's a team effort. But we're not experts. There are places in the garden where things just will not grow. And I don't know exactly why, but an expert in gardening might. I am going to start pulling down the dead ivy and other dead growth and do some mulching. I am also going to try to get in touch with those guys who came in and got the weeds out and shaped the bushes and cleaned things up for, oh, $20? Why can't Michael appreciate the fact that I can make good decisions too?
I'm going to try and stand up for myself more. It's true, I get very stressed when I see my bank balance. I like it when he manages the money. When I get turned down at the grocery and other places for "insufficient funds" it is SO embarrassing and I am humiliated. Then I get angry. I'm just praying that doesn't happen, because I so rarely check my balance in my account. It just scares me if I go under $300 in there...
So I am going to start in with some of my projects. Michael gets very, very touchy about the garden so I will take the dead ivy down and start clean up when he goes to work (or some other time when he is not home). I need to go to the bank and get a small amount of cash to keep on hand if I find someone in the neighborhood who can help me.
Feeling really good about this plan that is taking shape. It's time for things to move forward.
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