More Thoughts On Med Compliance

Mornin' -- or should I say, "Good Afternoon!" -- dear readers. I report my present state as follows: "I've got me a Chrysler, she's as big as a whale and she's about to set sail!" (B-52s, Love Shack) I think I relayed that Dr. Z is taking a very conservative approach to my case and has me on three mood stabilizers and two anti-psychotics. I'm taking enough medicine to knock that whale out but miraculously I am able to function -- barely. And my weight is through the roof.

Everything feels like it is in slow motion. Just walking around the block is a huge hurdle. Pulling together some semblance of a dinner is a huge chore. I have a voracious appetite. Obviously, this is not a situation I want to be experiencing. BUT this is a time to do a little "soul searching."

If I stop taking this medicine, scary things could happen. Not violent, just very disturbing. I could start "roaming" around in my car. I might go to a department store and start spending money like crazy. The line could become blurred between delusion and reality.

Certainly I don't believe any of this might happen because I've been doing a little "experiment." Yes, I have been holding off on taking my morning dose until the early afternoon. Why? Well, I want to experience a few hours "med-free" (if we can call it that). I love this time -- my thinking is clear, I feel cogent. I can outline plans for healthy eating. I want to get exercise. Heck, I just want to move in general.

Once I take those morning pills and they kick in, all I can do is sit in my recliner and stare out into space. Remember those movies depicting people in asylums sitting in wheelchairs on the lawn with blank faces? That's how I am. Who in the heck wants to live like this? No one, that's who. And this is a big reason why people go off their medication. I "get it" completely.

Now, let's step back a bit and try to put this is a broader perspective. I cannot forget that I will not be in this state forever. Dr. Z is going to pull out the Seroquel and Haldol and ratchet down the Invega in time. Every manic episode I have had passes, normally in late July. I should be ready for work in August and really be up to speed before Labor Day.

If I can just be patient and gut through this episode I will be back on my feet. I'm strong and I can do this. It's just not worth it to stop the meds or start seriously "tinkering" with the dosage. I was entertaining the idea of cutting my Haldol pills in half but now I'm starting to think that isn't a wise move. I need to go take the meds, go upstairs and take a shower, and clean up the kitchen. Then go to the grocery. Really simple things. Maybe I can find some energy to walk the Bassets.

If I can be compliant, so can you. We will get through this. It's a rotten space to be in but this is our situation. Hang in there, little soldiers. Brighter skies are on the horizon.