Strange. Feeling my brain calm down considerably, but all the "delusions" are still firmly in place i.e. I am a gift to mankind from God/my brain is far more advanced than everyone else's and this is why God can communicate to me. This smells clearly of bipolar grandiosity. So I am trying to tell myself to just block this out, get humble, stay at home and don't interact with anyone, and keep my trap shut. No talking to husband, family, or doctor about it. Keep this a secret.
But what if we were to indulge the delusions? What would be at the top of my list of messages I want to communicate to the audience? Well, the first would be that God is pretty pissed off with America right now. The government is in shambles, income disparity is no laughing matter, the divorce rate is through the roof. I'll add that people aren't communicating face to face much anymore and cannot write anymore (thanks Apple) and that really scares me.
Now, I can go ahead with a whole laundry list of what's rotten in the state of America, but perhaps what we need to be doing is figuring out what in the heck we are going to do to pull ourselves out of this mess. I tend to believe that we will inevitably fall, as all great capitalistic countries have (i.e. see Rome), but we might be able to soften the landing. We've got some outstanding economic theorists here in country to provide guidance. I'd love to get a panel together to discuss America "Doomsday" action plans.
I may not have mentioned that I hold a "delusion" that my mood state affects the environment. In other words, if I'm really angry, devastating storms descend or wild fires break out. If I'm sad, rain falls. So to combat this, I need to be in a "happy place." And what would that look like? Well, it certainly would be a place where the severely disadvantaged (mentally ill/alcoholic community) are fully assisted with medicine and living accommodations. They would be treated just as importantly as those with cancer. This rings very close to home for me because in my city there is a shameful, woeful disparity between services available to these two groups. And that makes me very, very angry.
When I am better, I will fully unpack my experience with the mental health care "system" (if you call it that) in Columbus. It's a joke. Actually, it's no laughing matter. But sometimes you just need a little levity in order to swallow a nasty reality pill. Now, people get really sensitive if you criticize anything in this town. I've learned this the hard way, having been emotionally leveled when I pried around the exterior. Powerful forces don't want dirty laundry getting out. But I'm not going to keep my mouth buttoned up on this travesty. There is a powerful story that needs to be told.
I saw a segment on 60 Minutes last night profiling a very disturbing man who "stole" people's copyrighted material and uploaded it to the Internet and collected fees. Got insanely rich that way. And I wondered what would happen if someone got a hold of my delusional writings. Not sure if anyone would actually want to read this stuff -- but maybe some golden nuggets are here. I may have to ask my husband how we keep my writings secure? For now I'll just keep typing away. After all, God is guiding the show.
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