Rebound?

Feeling very low today but going to attempt to dig out from the muck. We bought a good deal of flowers yesterday for the garden and husband and I will be planting them today. I am sleeping quite a bit which is good. Bad part is I am eating all the time -- things really picked up when we added the Haldol. I am trying to keep junk out of the house and eat healthy things but it is hard.

The Three Graces

I wouldn't exactly say my body is ugly -- it is more fleshy and round like a woman in a Rubens painting. But we know how prized thinness is in our society; and then there are all the health issues. My back aches again and I am short of breath if I exert myself. I am thinking about all that money and time I spent on the liquid Optifast diet. Losing all that weight, only to end up back where I started.

I am ever so slowly accepting the reality that I may have to just go back to my office. They have graciously given me this time off to rehabilitate and work with me on my hours. They don't overwhelm me with things to do. I stay busy and it's a place for me to go and get a paycheck, no matter how meager. Hunting for a new job is not something I should/can do right now. AGC of Ohio is the proper place for me to be.

My struggles are sometimes with the staff, but I guess I'd have struggles wherever I go. I do so miss Washington where I felt respected and in a job that challenged me. But that was a long, long time ago; and I did not have these health issues. I will just make the best of my situation. And now they know I have bipolar disorder so it's no secret, nothing I have to hide. So there are some good things with my situation.

The "delusions" aren't bothering me today. I feel pretty normal if I just stay in the house and don't watch TV. I am somewhat confident that in a few weeks I won't have any problem with the TV/radio or driving around. My husband will be able to give me my rings back, as there will be no fear of me throwing them away or just giving them to some stranger (I did this a few years back). Big "high five" to husband for helping me manage this mania. Yet again he has been here for me. My rock.

So off I go to clean up the kitchen (which is a disaster) and cook some brunch. Planting to follow but a slight rain has started up. For the first time I am thinking I may be able to segway from these journal-entry type posts into something more philosophical about having bipolar illness and pulling oneself out of the various pitfalls. I believe this means the psychosis is breaking down. Wouldn't that be nice!

Onward I go. Making one mudpie at a time.